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"Izmzmag is about the individual. We encourage exploration of the self and try our hardest to scratch beneath the surface and reveal something deeper than what may appear at first glance.
We believe everyone has their own individual izm within them, their own unique belief systems, philosophies and movements that drive them to be exactly who they are. Izmzmag is a space to share and articulate these many varying views."
This was my first taste at understanding the world. 19 year old Jess didn't exactly nail it, but it was a start, and I'm glad I took that step.
A lot of what I spoke about still holds true to me.
I realised that a lot of the 'expectations' I mentioned were a lot to do with the amount of internalised racism I had been harboring over the years. The 'standards' were simply that I am not white, and I do not look white. I have spent so much time over the past few years calling myself out on my own internalised racism and stopped criticising those who look just like me because I saw my own reflection in them.
2017 was a huge blow for me, it was when my mothers abuse went from verbal to physical, and also the year I found out she was also a depressive psychotic. But 2017 also made me utilise my voice to its fullest. With the encouragement of an excellent tutor, he pushed my boundaries by making me address how I was feeling, resulting in my 'Dear Mother' project. He had seen works about my mother previously, but he knew I had been tiptoeing around the subject simply because I didn't know how to be truly vulnerable.
Communication is still something I struggle with (and not just because i'm incredibly introverted). I struggle to articulate how I am feeling, I struggle to open up to my peers. But I've really made an effort to change. Even though its taken me an entire art project to understand my own feelings, I have come so far. I get to see my own progress through my art. How cool is that!
I do still want to make an impact, and I received countless messages from people who could relate to my artworks. I've had people tell me that I helped them understand how they were feeling, that they learnt more about their relationship with their immigrant parents. I cannot emphasis enough the level of privilege I have, to comfortably share my experiences at a tertiary level of education. And with that I created an open dialogue without even intending to.
Honestly, I was definitely not qualified to give advice, and I still don't think I am now. But what I will say is that i'm starting to learn how to utilise my voice. I've managed to make a deeper connection with so many people I know, as well as make new connections with people who relate in some way to my experiences. I've been given a platform and resources to comfortably share my voice, but so many youths aren't given that opportunity. So how are we going to help to change that?
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